What follows is the story of my daughter’s death and my family’s journey through it. If you worry that may be too difficult to read the message is similar to the eulogy I gave for her. Which you can listen to instead here.
Today is the first Friday of Lent. Friday's during Lent are traditionally days of sacrifice. Five years ago on the first Friday of Lent my daughter died. That unwilling sacrifice became, in time, a tremendous blessing. Before I share some of the lessons my family learned, some backstory is in order.
In 2016, my wife was blessed with a pregnancy. We had a toddler son at the time so we excitedly hid the gender to preserve the surprise. Unfortunately there was something far worse hidden, an unwelcome surprise. Around 20 weeks into the pregnancy we discovered what doctors called multicystic renal dysplasia. In layman's terms her ureter formed improperly causing urine to back up in her kidneys leading to failure. Because the kidneys failed there was insufficient amniotic fluid for wet tissue organs to develop. Her lungs were the wet tissue organs failing to develop. As this flurry of medical terms hit us there was two phrases that stood out "not compatible with life" and "death sentence". The doctor asked us when we wanted to terminate. I sort of snapped to and the only question I could muster was, "Wait are we talking about abortion?" Every recommendation was just that. We opted to bring her to term, knowing that she would likely die within hours. For the next few months we, our family, our church, and strangers I've still never met prayed for a miracle. We prayed for healing. With tears in my eyes I asked God for any other way. When she was born it was immediately clear that her lungs were too weak. And so, I baptized her in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. My family held her. We took photos with her. We prayed over her. And within a couple hours she died in her mother's arms.
This is no easy story. It's painful to write. It's difficult to read. I want to acknowledge that if you're still here. This isn't the uplifting post you read while gently sipping your morning coffee. And yet, it is a perfect story for Lent. Christians for almost two thousand years have observed 40 days of sacrifice in preparation for Easter. Why? It's not to mortify ourselves or solely some ascetism. It's to reorient our hearts and minds. It's to free us to be more generous than we were. In the words of prophet Joel, we are to "rend our hearts" and "call a solemn assembly" (Joel 2:13,15). I can promise you on that day five years ago my heart was rent, it was a solemn day.
It was the hardest day of my life. I would not wish it on anyone. And yet, it, like a Lenten sacrifice reoriented my heart. Throughout my family could only describe our ability to face the moment as the grace of God. And since, it has given me several occasions to give answer to "the hope that is in [me]" (1 Peter 3:15). I didn't choose to give my daughter back to the Lord on that Friday in Lent; but in time I've come recognize the immense ways He has blessed my family since. He used the circumstances to create even greater faith in us, ever greater reliance on Him, and a more sincere gratitude for the gift of life that He gives. And just like the promise of Easter awaits in Lent, the promise of the resurrection awaits in death. One day death will be finally, ultimately, perpetually dead. "There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away" (Revelation 21:4).
About the Author
David Hein is husband to Mindi, father to Kirk, Wesley, and Caleb and a member of Trinity San Antonio. August Marie Hein was born, baptized, and ushered into the presence of her Father on March 3, 2017.
